the BIRTHDAY

after a night of no sleep
my husband finally told me we have to go back
i did not want to get out of bed
i told him, i am going to stand up and this baby is going to come out
its going to be one of those crazy birth stories at home
i was crying
going back to the hospital was at 30 minutes
i knew we had to go over 4 train tracks and numerous potholes
i cried some more
i finally got up and shuffled to the car
matted greasy hair, looking like a zombie
totally different agenda than last night, i did not care what i looked like
i went from crying to cursing all the way there
i didn't even call the doctor, i just showed up in labor and delivery around 10am?
i was the crazy woman in the wheelchair
how just a few hours ago, i walked happily into L&D
my husband pushed me in and i said to the desk clerk
i was here last night they sent me home...my pain on  a scale of 1 to 10 is 100 and i'm bleeding
no wait off to the delivery room
waiting for the doctor, my momma showed up
i was clutching the side rails on the bed
the nurses were puzzled, still no contractions on the monitor
finally the dr comes in and checks - oh wow you are at 7 almost 8
Dr - "did they really send you home last night?"
Me - uh yes, when can i get drugs?
the epidural, 45 minutes of poking all while having toe curling contractions and being told not to move
but then - relief!  the fog was lifted i was a whole different person
labor - this is easy i just needed drugs
i now had an internal monitor and my contractions were off the charts
the resident from last night came in to apologize
i didn't care i was in lala land very relaxed
finally at 4:30 it was time
i could not feel a thing, the dr told me i was squeezing not pushing
seriously i was completely numb
at 6:30 we were almost there
6:43pm my beautiful little girl arrived
i had no idea, i was still pushing with my eyes closed
my dr told me to stop
but wait -wasn't she crying
i was supposed to holding her
they had rushed her over to the table
a million "bad" things went through my mind
and finally after a few seconds i heard the crys
then i held my baby girl
and life was perfect
and still is today